Who knows where this blog will go. I have no structure in my mind to write it down. I am going to just blah blah blah as I write.
You know, as I walk this path, all that I thought I knew, I realize that I don't really know. Or maybe I should say, all that I thought I knew really didn't have the deep roots and foundations that I thought that they had. For I suppose you could say, what I thought I knew were merely beliefs. Of course there is the standard "I know that 2+2=4", yet some math wizard could come up with some equation that I never heard of and tell me otherwise, but I'm pretty sure that is something that I "know". Yet, that is only a belief.
What is interesting about seeing thoughts as beliefs instead of dogmatic knowledge that I used to have about certain things is that now instead of having a thought that "I know" is true. I now have a thought in simply which I believe is true and beliefs can be changed, for I am no longer trying to root my thoughts deep into the ground and water them with defenses to make them invulnerable to other thoughts.
What I believe today, may change tommorrow and I'm sure some will. If not tommorrow, maybe the day after or the day after that. But for today, what beliefs that I do have, I will accept. I cannot tell myself, "Eric you must undo this belief now!! Nothing's real and this is all an illusion and just be. OK!" For then am I fighting against what is, now. But I can become aware of it and ask myself the question, "Do you really believe that?" And I might surprise myself and say, "I don't know." And then I can just accept it as a thought that I am having now. My Self is no longer attached to it, or is at least loosening its attachment to the thought which may or may not unravel the belief into a thought that is simply blown away by the wind of truth(true perception).
And yet what is truth? Do I know? No, as a matter of fact as I mentioned before my mind is in a surreal confusion for what I knew seems to no longer have roots. Sometimes I can feel my mind grasping for a thought to attach itself to, just for some kind of "stability". Sometimes it succeeds, often times it doesn't. And when it does "succeed" to grab hold of a thought and turn it into a belief that then tries to root itself into knowing so to speak, then often times is when my mind attacks. Not to say that this is truth, but it seems to be the "truth" that I am experiencing for myself.
I was reading where Ken Wapnick said that the course is like a ladder. Kind of like the ladder of prayer and I thought, "Ah yes, that's what I thought (a belief). For this is been my experience lately with the course. There is a part in the course that says we will make many concepts of ourselves as we go along and this is very true or at least I believe that :-) for this again has been my experience with the course. Except for the ladder for me seems to be climb up two rungs, slip down one, climb up one, slip down one, climb up three rungs and slib down one and on it goes.
Yet, that may look like Im not making progress, yet all it is or seems to be, is that just when I think that I have it figured out, I realize that I did not know what I thought that I knew.
I need do nothing is such an important statement in the course and I believe (there we go again with beliefs) that it is an understated statement. For the ladder is only symbollic. There is no journey, there is no ladder, there is no path to take and yet in this dualistic world must we take it and yet it is still a belief.
I was on another board mostly about Tolle and they thought about needing a new language for speaking about Tolle. I thought about the course's statement that symbols are but twice removed from reality and I cautioned them about doing such a thing, for language can very easily separate us from reality as it was designed to do. But then it caused me to have another thought. We must use symbols t go past them (belief) and someone told me no, that is wrong, that they didn't need symbols to go beyond them. Perhaps she is right, but did not all of us, need to listen or read something or from someone words that caused us to open our minds? For us here, it would be the course, though many of us have read other teachings, but for the sake of arguement I'll say ACIM. It was by reading the symbols within this book, that gave us a chance to go past them, but first we had to reduce God to a concept in order to go past that concept. In essense we needed the symbols to go beyond them. But none of that is ultimately true, for it was simply our perception that identified with the symbols that gave us the opportunity to go beyond them.
That is why I believe that to intellectually know the course can be a hindrance sometimes, for as a Zen saying goes, "How can you fill your cup when you believe that it is already full?" Of course it is an intellectual spiritual book and I have read by many people that have studied maybe similar spiritualites that they didn't understand ACIM and it obviously takes some intellect to grasp the symbols within the book.
But to intellectually grasp ACIM can leave a person still in the land of symbols and considering that ACIM is not only a very symbollic book, but so full of metaphors that if we took the words at face value it would only cause intellectual confusion. They are simply meant to point beyond themselves, not to be used to point back to our beliefs in them. Because often times then we say, "Well I know the course. I know what it says." Is that true? Do we really KNOW what it says or are we looking at these symbols through the lense of our perception and interpretation? We don't look on the world directly so in essense we wouldn't look on the book directly.
Today I believe that no one can live in this world without beliefs. This may change tommorrow, but this is what I believe today. And yet, even if I believed that we can live in this world without beliefs. I still believe that this can be done, which in its own statement seems to negate itself. Yes when I pray to God, I try to go past all thought and belief and unite with my source, but when I communicate with someone else, I am conveying beliefs to some extent.
ACIM says that there is no one else out there. I can believe that, but I do not KNOW it. For I still find myself with many forgiveness lessons and doubts. And I beleive that all of us have forgiveness lessons still.
Even the Dalai Lama, I was reading how he was on a plane with a couple that had their hands full with their children and the Dalai Lama said afterwards, "I don't believe that I would have the patience that they showed."
Even the Dalai Lama does not know.
Mother Teresa battled depression, because she was unsure if Jesus existed. She believed, but she didn't know.
And I don't think that there is one of us that know. I don't. I have doubts. As the course says, "To deny the separation when it is obvious that you believe that it occured is an unworthy use of denial."
When we post and then another replies to us with disagreement and then we respond, we are doing so because we believe in what we say. Why else would we do so? I wouldn't even write what I am writing, if I didn't believe in it. It doesn't mean that we KNOW, though we may believe that we know.
As Lao Tzu said, "Those that know do not speak. Those that speak do not know." And this isn't a put down, but simply a statement that when we speak, we are still learning.
You may say well Jesus spoke over 2000 years ago. Didn't he know? " Maybe Jesus was as close to knowing as anyone could be, but also maybe Jesus wanted peace and so he was teaching it, to learn it. And this is what I think that these conversations are. We are trying to teach to learn.Yet in the end we must go past the symbols.
There was another person on another board that was "seeking the truth". And I thought, "How can you seek the truth? Is there any intellectual knowledge that will give you the truth? Is there really any information that will stop this person from seeking and what if he found it in information? Would he really then be satisfied and stop seeking? Would he be dissapointed?" etc. etc. Of course I don't believe that he will ever find it intellectually. So if not intellectually, then what?
I am left with the four letter word...experiences. For this is a world of perception and the loftiest we can do in this world is have true perception. With experience it does not concern the intellectual mind. Sure, the intepretation of the intellectual mind gives it its supposed meaning, but only through perception and not knowledge and it does so through the past. All interpretations are of the past.
Yet when we have these experiences. There is no past reference and so the mind cannot interpret it. I think that this is why ACIM says that a revelation cannot be described, but we must go back and share the effects of it.
And yet experiences also is not the truth. Yet is can very well point to it and point past symbols. To describe ans experience is obviously farther removed than the actual experience.
Tolle said something along the lines that, "You can study honey, you can write about it, read about it, talk about it, but until you actually taste it, you really do not know it."
And yet, that is not truth, but it certainly points to it. Experiences isn't the end all of all end alls, but I believe that it certainly is closer than the symbols used to describe it.
That is my belief today. Maybe tommorrow will be different.
This is where I am today in this world of illusion. Yes I am at home in God, dreaming of exile. I believe this, but do I KNOW for sure?
It's ok to have doubts. To resist that and tell myself that I don't, serves no purpose. Again another unworthy form of denial.
I believe (again) LOL that we are too often hard on ourselves. I must get here or there or achieve this or that and all it is, is a future achievment of wanting the ends while overlooking the NOW and the means.
Where am I NOW? I am here, with doubts, yet with a deeper sense of peace. I am here with beliefs, yet paradoxally, I don't believe in them as much.
Maybe I could even end this blah blah blah ramble with simply, I AM and then cease to speak and experience the NOW.
Yes, I believe that I will do that. That was a long ramble to come to that conclusion. LOL