sterday while I was at work, I seemed to have gotten another glimpse of the peace I described in an earlier post. It is funny how this seems to happen, when I least expect it. Talk about I need do nothing. I was just working and listening to my lesson on my Ipod, " Truth will correct all errors in my mind and I will rest in Him Who is Myself."
I had already practiced this lesson a couple of times in the morning and had just decided to slowly repeat this to myself, between scheduled practices, since I knew that I could not stop every hour at work to put in the 5 minutes asked to do this. As I continued to slowly repeat this, I felt a calmness come over me and as I looked around, everything suddenly seemed very small to me. Again, I felt like I was on some kind of stage, like everything was a prop in a play.
Once again, my mind sputtered. Not that I quit thinking, but the voice that seems to comment, judge, or narrarate suddenly stopped. There was no dialogue going on in my mind. Again, I tried to kick start my mind but it would not start up. A thought(commentary) would come into my mind and drop away as quickly as it came into awareness. I laughed at myself. Thinking about it now, "Why was I trying to get that voice to speak to me? Did I feel that without it, I didn't have a reference point as to myself or where I was or what I was doing?"
This time it didn't last hours like the last time. I was in this state for maybe about 15 minutes or so. It's hard to remember, because I wasn't paying too much to time during this. I was still doing my work, but it was more like I was watching my body do the work, like I was detached from it and observing everything in a 3rd person type way.
Thinking about it now, it was interesting that in those moments, I didn't seem to have a goal. No longer was it, " I need to do this and get this done and then go do that." I was just simply doing. No attachment to it, no thought about what to do next, but just a simple feeling of doing this right now.
It is amazing how quiet a warehouse can be, even with all the machinery going and all the noise in the world when the mind is still. No dialogue, or commentary or a running voice constantly speaking about what it perceives. It is almost as if stillness is the loudest noise to be heard, or maybe more accurately, stillness is the most prominent and all the noise is within it, which is small by comparison.
Ever since that one day a while ago, where I was in a state of deep peace, I have yearned for that, but this intself can be an egoic trap. For my ego can desire this and attach itself to wanting this. I have to be careful about these types of experiences, that I do not look to them for the next "thing" to have. To get. To aquire. To achieve. This is where I really need to practice the fact that I need do nothing. That this is not my function to achieve this, but to simply be willing so that the Holy Spirit can bring this peace into my awareness.
This can be difficult sometimes and it has been in moments. For to experience a glimpse of such a deep peace and joy and then have it leave (my awareness). It can really cause a wanting, a yearning, and even sometimes a demanding for it to return.
I've had many little glimpses of the this, but only two of any signifcant "time" and the pattern I have seen is that they come when I do not expect them to come. When I do not try or yearn and try to make them come about. I have to keep remembering, I need do nothing.