While practicing the lessons in ACIM and forgiveness whenever the need comes up. I always try to remind myself of the metaphysical part of ACIM and the dream that I am experiencing. Yet I have not really done this in a linear timeline for a long continious period of time.
The other day, my wife and I had to go shopping or I should say that she had to go shopping and I had to stand around bored out of my mind while she did. :-) Oh the the forgiveness lessons always keep coming. I need to start projecting man chairs in some of these stores. Just kidding, kinda, LOL.
All kidding aside I usally entertain myself while she's shopping by casually walking around the store and checking out the merchandise.
As an experiment I decided to walk around the store looking at everything and everyone one while keeping consciously in my mind that everything and everyone that I was seeing was not real and merely a projection of my consciousness.
At first it seemed really cool . I would look at something and think, "Wow this is just merely a projection of my own consciousness. I did that." But after about 15 or 20 minutes and seeing people arguing and doing things that I didn't care for, I started to feel real uncomfortable with the situation and started to feel a bit overwhelmed. I started to feel a resistance to what was going on around me and I could hear my thoughts tell me, " I didn't make this. There is no way in hell that this came from my own projection." And I could feel the urge to dissasociate everything start to become really strong.
I then realized that I was becoming my emotions instead of being aware that emotions were simply happening within the moment. I was getting sucked back into my story. So I stopped and just became aware of my resistance to what was happening and watched how I felt without trying to judge it. This kind of felt surreal, becauase I felt that I was somehow outside the experience observing it.
Yet I have to honestly admit that the experience did leave a bad taste in my mouth. Even while practicing the course's lessons and reading the text over and over and getting a deeper meaning out of it each time that I do, there is a dissasociation in my psyche that runs much much deeper than I consciously thought.
The course says to not underestimate the ego and Ken Wapnick's books says that when we think we have it all figured out, be sure that is the ego trying to appease us, so that we won't dig any deeper. It seems the other day I unwittingly dug deeper than my ego wanted me to.
Without trying to over analzye it too much. I am also thinking that the first part of the experiment, when I thought how cool the experience was, was actually my ego coming in through the back door and admiring its power to project.
Of course these are just my thoughts for today. They may change tomorrow. But it was an interesting experiement for myself.