Humor and Gratitude

[Tammy Hollis]

Without humor and gratitude, life would be a little more difficult. I have lots of both. Laughing at myself is one of my favorite passtimes. I never run out of material.

[masil]

Q. 'How many egos does it take to change a light bulb?'

A. 'None. People just form support groups entitled ''Coping with darkness.'''

[masil]

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again
20 - 1 to actually change the light bulb.
19 to Sigh loudly and say how much better the quality of the light was in the old days.

[Ruby]

Here's a cute joke I got in email titled "On the lighter side":

"There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country. The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage. The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said "Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes." The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses!"

Took me 24 hours to get it. LOL

[Ruby]

LOL Paul.

[Ruby]

LOL Paul.... I love it. Thanks I needed that. Namaste, Ruby

[Ruby]

Thanks Pauline, looked up Vanda Mikoloski Stand Up Comedy:

[masil]

IF GOD WERE A PROGRAMMER
If you imagine God as a computer programmer, some important theological questions are answered.

Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then the users and managers demanded he tack senseless features onto it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.

Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the maintenance phase.

Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through all those variables.

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.

Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday.

Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.

Q: Where will I go after I die?
A: Onto a backup tape.

Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?
A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but doubt that it will ever be implemented.

Q: What is the role of sinners?
A: Sinners are the people who find new and imaginative ways to mess up the system when God has made it idiot-proof.

Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching backup files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say that the tape has been lost.

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him program.

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
A: They are much more likely to receive e-mail.

Q: Some people say God is Love.
A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form of a question. Abort, Retry, Fail?

[masil]

Humor to usher in the New Consciousness -

- Vanda Mikoloski Stand Up Comedy -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyFZxKgzypA&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fyogasoup%2Ecom%2Fevents%2Ehtml&feature=player_embedded

Vanda Mikoloski is a renowned stand-up comic and speaker whose passion is personal growth and development. Vanda's work is a delightful, irreverent romp down her twisted spiritual path. The concept "enlightenment" is fascinating to her.

[masil]

"There truly IS something positive in every situation ... even if it's that you have learned that you don't ever wanna do THAT again!"

[masil]

Everyone ready to eliminate the excess calories (in their heads :)

DIET PLAN For LIFE

Eat Your WORDS,
Swallow Your PRIDE,
Digest The TEACHING of GOD,
Eliminate the EGO,

For Deserts Indulge in PRAYER and MEDITATION.